


Winguls Ruin Everything

by UAs_Fics



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions
Genre: Comedy, IgnitionShipping, Just a silly story don't look to much into it XD, M/M, One Shot, innuendos, mild ooc-ness?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 16:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11085264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UAs_Fics/pseuds/UAs_Fics
Summary: Flint hurts himself chasing down a wingul who stole his food, and Volnker has to carry him back to Sunyshore.(Contains a lot of sexual jokes.)





	Winguls Ruin Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Winguls ruin everything.  
> Summery: Flint hurts himself chasing down a wingul who stole his food, and Volkner has to carry him back to Sunyshore.  
> Fandom: Pokemon, Gameverse  
> Rating: T for sexual innuendos, blue humors, and vulgarity  
> Ship: IgnitionShipping  
> Content Warning: N/A

“I have two empty hands, and if I don’t get a weiner in one of them soon, I’m going to scream.” Flint whined. His hands were, indeed, empty, as he made a grabbing motion at Volkner’s butt across the picnic table.  
Volkner looked over his shoulder, his face mildly annoyed. “If you keep bitching, you're not getting anything.”  
Flint huffed, but remained silent. He rested his chin on the table with his arms still out stretched. It wasn’t often his and Volkner’s schedules coincided well enough they could spent a whole weekend together. Usually Flint had Elite Four business, and Volkner had Gym Leader business, and the only interaction they had was Volkner calling Flint whenever some trainer earned their eighth badge heading towards the League--or the reverse when said trainer just lost horribly against one of the Elite Four.  
Well, at least this beach trip was a nice change of pace from when they got together last month, and half-broke into that Lucas kid’s summer house to challenge him to a double battle. After all, a beach trip was something they couldn’t possibly lose to a twelve year old.  
They even made sure of that by leaving their pokemon at the Sunyshore Gym.  
Flint raised his gaze from the table and towards his boyfriend. He trailed up, pausing to gaze in mild wonder at Volkner’s fine ass, then continued towards his shoulders. Volkner’s shoulder were just a little narrow, not enough to really be considered womanly, but enough that his shirt slide off towards his right shoulder.  
“Man, my boyfriend is hot,” He said a little too loudly. “Second hottest boyfriend on this beach.” Flint waited to see if Volkner would take the bait. When he didn’t, Flint spoke, even louder than before, “because he’s not a fire type trainer! Hey-oo!”  
He watched as Volkner covered his face with his hand and shook his head. Flint could tell Volkner was debating wether to laugh or groan. After a moment, he decided on groan.  
“You know, if I had _something_ in my mouth right now, I wouldn’t have made that joke.” Flint pushed himself into a proper sitting position then winked. “If you know what I mean.”  
Volkner rolled his eyes. The finally, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting and wanting, the electric type trainer turned around. Flint gazed upon the big, plump weiner in his boyfriend’s hand before he himself reached out and grabbed hold to put to his lips.  
“Ah, shit! Hot, hot, hot!” Flint gasped and began to fan his mouth with his free hand. “This hotdog hot as hell!”  
“No shit,” Volkner sat on the table top with one foot resting on the bench. “It just came off the grill. You’re too impatient. Just wait a few second for it to cool.”  
Flint narrowed his eyes and without missing a beat took another bite of the hotdog. It tasted like charcoal more than half way through, and the half that wasn’t burnt itself seared the inside of Flints mouth. But never would he admit that. His pride was on the line here, and like hell was he going to let it get wounded by a hotdog!  
Volkner just shook his head. That was his boyfriend, after all.  
Honestly, Volkner was surprised Flint ate the whole hotdog at all, since Volkner was sure he’d burnt that hotdog pretty badly. Either of them were very good cooks, and usually food made without looking at a repice resulted in disaster. Either the food would be over cooked, or in an effort to avoid the former, undercooked.  
Flint forced down the last of the hotdogs then gagged a little. “Could of use...ketchup.”  
“You could have asked,” Volkner reached down the picked up the small ice chest they brought. He flicked it open. “I can make another one for you.” he held up the remaining hotdogs.  
Flint tried his best to hide his wince. He swallowed. “Oh, ah, nah. I'd rather have, um,” he looked in the chest, “chips.” Flint reached in and removed the bag from the ice. He decided not to question it and instead thanked his lucky stars he wasn't going to have to chug the ketchup bottle.  
Flint grabbed the sides of the bag and pulled. The chips opened with a pop. Flint took one out and held the ranch-flavored triangle of ground corn goodness up towards the sun.  
Truly, the events that allowed for this food’s creation were handled by Arceus itself. A web of events manipulated by divine hooves. A Glorious, god blessed, creat--  
“ _Gul!_ ”A wingul swooped down and expertly snatched the chip from between Flints fingers. Before Flint could even stammer out a swear, the wingul u-turned. Just as quickly as it took the chip, it grabbed hold of the bag in its beak and tore it right from his hands.  
“Hey!” Flint shouted. He nearly fell flat on his face as his pulled his long legs out from under the table, but that didn’t matter. If a charred hotdog wasn’t going to hurt his pride, neither was a flying sea bat!  
Flint scrambled down the beach after the wingul, yelling and swearing at it. As he ran, he instinctively reached for his pokeballs--Drifblim would catch this pest in no time! His hands groped around his belt for his pokeballs only for the sudden realization that he didn’t _have_ his pokemon with him to hit him.  
He swore at himself this time.  
The wingul landed on a rock a ways into the water. It set the bag down then shook itself off. The wingul shot Flint on last glance before it triumphantly stuck it’s long beak into the bag,  
Flint stood on the shore, his hands in fists. That cool ranch goodness was for his mouth alone! And he’d be DAMNED if he was going to share with a wingul.  
Just then, he noticed a series of rocks leading up towards the bird’s perch and was stuck with an amazing idea.  
~~~~  
Volkner had watched the spectacle from their table for a few minutes before he sighed. The gym leader leaned back on the table resting his head on his hands. Not only was Flint a member of the Elite Four, he was also a big boy. He wouldn't get so fired up over a bag of chips, that he did something dangerous. Flint would burn out before that.  
Volkner realized just how wrong he was seconds before he heard a splash and Flint’s scream.  
The gym leader jumped off the table and ran down the beach. Above him, the wingul soared by, bag of chips still in its mouth. Volkner winced. Why did he think any better?  
“Flint! Flint, where are you?” He called out.  
“Volnker!”  
Volkner spun around on the loose sand at the sound of his name. Near the shore, he caught glimpse of red afro sticking out from behind a rock. Wasting no time, he bolted towards it.  
Water dripped from Flint’s clothes onto the sand and logged down his poofy afro. His face contorted into a wince as he pressed his hand against his leg. A stream of blood gushed from the open wound and carved a path to the sea.  
“Shit, what happened?” Volkner gasped. He leaned down and gently moved Flint’s hands from his injury.  
“I was trying to catch that wingul but, ouch! Mother fuck!” He reflexively pulled his leg back from Volkner’s touch. “Sorry.” He relaxed the leg. “It flew out into the water, so I went to climb on those rocks, and I fell. Pretty sure I scraped it against some-- _shit_!” Flint bit down hard, trying to hold back more swears.  
Volkner swallowed hard. Every Gym Leader and Elite Four member had to take a first aid course, as by the Pokemon League rules. But, it be more than three years since Volkner had taken his with Flint, and, to be honest, Volkner wasn’t sure if they ever covered injuries like this, or if they did, he’d long since forgotten.  
He reached back for his phone, only to stop. His phone was back at the gym with all it’s wiring fried after a jump scare video frightened his jolteon into attacking it. If he remembered correctly, Flint’s phone was in his pocket, and judging by the state of Flint’s shorts, it was probably just as useless.  
Volkner pulled off his shirt. He sighed. This was a new shirt, too, but they didn’t bring anything with them that they could use to bind up Flint’s leg. He carefully lifted the leg and slipped the shirt under it before tieing up the makeshift bandage.  
“I, I don’t think it’s broken?” Volkner bit his lip. “But we got to get you back to Sunyshore. Here, can you walk?” He held out his hand. Flint took it and let himself be hauled up. The Elite Four member leaned against his boyfriend then attempted to take a step.  
Flint let out a cry and stumbled back out of Volkner’s arm and back into the sand. “Ow, no, I can’t.”  
Volkner let out a breath. “Alright. I’ll go back to Sunyshore and--”  
Flint reached out. “Wait, before you go, lemme have my last request!”  
Volkner walked forward and leaned down. He set his hand on Flint’s soaked afro. “You’re not going to die.”  
“You don’t understand, Volkner,” Flint grabbed his boyfriend’s hands and pulled them in front of him. His eyes met Volkner’s. “I need you to pee on my leg.”  
Volkner blinked once, twice, three times then pulled his hands away. He stood and began to march off. “Nope. Find your own way back.”  
Flint grabbed hold of Volkner’s arm. “No, no, no! You don’t understand. What if I landed on something poisonous, like a sea urchin or something? That’s what you need to do to when someone gets stung! I saw it on a documentary once.”  
“There are _no_ urchins that are _venomous_ to humans in this part of the Sinnoh.” Volkner pried off Flint’s hand.  
“What about tentacool?” Flint interjected. “Once could have brushed my leg!” He pointed at Volkner’s crouch. “So wipe that puppy out. It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.”  
“I am not indulging in your weird kinks today,” Volkner replied, deadpan and serious. “Besides, if you got stung by a tentacool, I’m sure you’d know.” Flint whimpered in reply. Volkner took a breath and held it as he rubbed his temples.  
He walked around to Flint’s side then leaned down. In one quick motion he picked up Flint bridal style. “If you’re going to cry like a bride at a wedding, I’m going to carry you like one.”  
Flint opened his mouth to protest, but the pain from his leg caused him to shut his mouth. Though, he still wasn’t fully convence there wasn’t venom coursing through his system, Flint consented to being carried by wrapping his arms around Volkner’s neck and leaning against his shoulder.  
~~~~~  
Volkner's face was red and sweat dripped off his forehead. The sun pounded against his bare back. The two weren’t even halfway back and his legs were screaming for him to drop Flint and take a rest.  
Flint frowned. He could hear his boyfriend’s heart thumping heavily against his rib cage. Flint glanced up. Volkner had a sunburn starting across his cheeks. Flint moved up and pressed a kiss against Volkner’s neck.  
“Considering how many times I’ve been on top of you, you’d think you’d know how heavy I am.” He said, hoping to lighten the mood somehow.  
Volkner narrowed his eyes at Flint. “I will freaking drop you.”  
“Well, I mean, if that’s what you want.” Flint’s eyes gleamed mischievously. “I do I like assertive top Volkner. He needs to come out more often.”  
Volkner huffed. In any other situation, he’d have no issue playing along with Flint’s babbles, especially considering where they usually end up, but not today. Today Flint could be babble from blood lose. He could have a broken leg! That is not the time for playful flirting!  
Flint pouted “Come on, you can’t be mad at the injured.” Volkner didn’t reply, instead his pace sped up and he kept his eyes trained forward. Flint sighed and leaned back against Volkner's chest.  
He should have known that wouldn’t work. His pout wasn’t nearly as potent s Volkner's. Volkner was the only man he know who could pull of a pout like that without coming off as overly overgrown edgy teenager. Though, Flint had to admit, that may be because of a his bias towards his old friend.  
“Oh thank Arcues, I see the lighthouse,” Volkner gasped out after a moment. Flint opened his eyes and looked up. Over the top of a rocky ridge, the top of the Sunyshore lighthouse peeked out at them. They were so close to the city, and to help!  
Flint stretched out his wounded leg. It still hurt like the devil, but it had moved from a sharp stabbing pain to a dull throbbing one.  
“Hey, bae, I think I can walk now,” Flint smiled, “if you let me lean on you anyway.”  
Volkner barely hesitated as he hastily set Flint onto the sand then plopping down next to him, panting. Flint scooted closer and set a hand on Volkner’s forehead. He pushed his sweaty bangs back with a wide grin.  
“Yeesh, remember what I said earlier? _I’m_ suppose to be the hottest boyfriend on this beach.”  
Volkner looked at him, silence, then shut his eyes. His lips quivered and his shoulders shook. Flint jerked his hand back. He couldn’t do anything right today, could he?  
“Holy shit--you’re the--worse!” Volkner gasped out between waves of laughter. “I swear--if you set this all--up for a pun--!”  
Flint bent forward holding his stomach as his own laughter shook him. “No, but I now I wish I had!” The couple spent the next couple of minutes rolling in their laughter before finally puttering out and laying there.  
“Flint?” Volkner asked.  
“Yeah?”  
“Sorry, for snapping at you.”  
Flint rolled over on his side, careful of his leg. “The heat just got you a little overcooked, is all. Happened to me all the time.” He winked. Volkner chuckled once then pushed himself up and walked around in front of Flint before crouching down.  
“Come on, get on. I might as well give you a proper ride.” He looked over his shoulder with a smirk.  
~~~~  
Flint downed the aspirin without even touching the glass of water Volkner offered to him. He regretted it instantly though. He hacked and coughed, reaching for the glass. Rolling his eyes, Volkner handed the glass to him. Flint chugged the water, dripping it over his new, dry shirt.  
Volkner sat down on the arm of the couch above Flint’s head. He wrapped his arms around his neck then rest his head against on Flint’s afro. The doctor said it was just a cut and a bad sprain, but nothing broken, thankfully. Flint would just have to stay off it for a little while and keep the wound bandaged up.  
“Flint, promise me you’ll never go chase after a pokemon for a bag of chips.”  
Flint titled his head back until he could see Volkner’s face. He smiled. “Only if we can seal the deal with some take out.” He put hand to his stomach. “I haven't eaten since that burnt hotdog, and I’m starved.”  
Volkner chuckled then kissed Flint’s forehead in agreement.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo...I’m told I’m a pretty funny person irl, not sure if that crosses over to my writing though. XD Anyway, this is a pretty big turn away from my usual fics, huh? It’s a pokemon work this time! Anyway, sorry if th quality isn’t as good as my others. Given the humor used my beta wasn’t comfortable beta-ing this for me. ;.;


End file.
